Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
