i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
