I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
