Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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