I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
