Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
