I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
wow bdsm is so cute
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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