pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
