i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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