If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
