Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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