Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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