Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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