I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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