i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I did not marry a roomba.
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