i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
