you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
