I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
