I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
