I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
