I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
