I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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