okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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