So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
