so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
