My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
