smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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