well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
