How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
