We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
