Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
