ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
