my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
