The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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