can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
