I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
