i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
