Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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