Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
