I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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