It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
