i was rollin on her like bob the builder
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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