I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
