He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
