did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
