Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
