sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
