It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
