I look better un-naked...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
