i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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