Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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