why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
