It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
