Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
