i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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