I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
