my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
