how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
