what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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