So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
