this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
