life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
