i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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