get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
