just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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