wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
