She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
