i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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