I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
