forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
