I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
