if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
