i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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