I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
