Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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