I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
